"everybody [staff] was happy, chatting away while I was vomiting and choking on my own vomit"

A mother's experience of Oxford University Hospitals Maternity Services in 2020:

I gave birth in the JR delivery suite in the autumn of 2020. What should have been a beautiful experience, or at least a humane one, was completely ruined by their complete lack of empathy and reluctance to listen.

I had made it clear in my antenatal appointments that I did not want a forceps delivery, and I had included a note in my birth plan that if it came to that then I would prefer a c-section. I was also considering having an elective c-section as I had a fibroid and was almost 40 years old and had concerns about giving birth.

I had brought this up at one of my antenatal appointments. A phone appointment was arranged with someone from the JR in the weeks before giving birth to discuss the possibility of having an elective c-section. Throughout the phone appointment, she insisted that I did not need/should not have a c-section and all would be fine. Essentially all my concerns were dismissed. It was very clear that a c-section was not an option, but not for any particular, valid reason.

I was almost 42 weeks pregnant when I finally started having contractions.

Contractions started 2 days before I went into labour. On the evening of the day before I gave birth, I started bleeding. I called MAU and they just said that it must be the mucus plug / not to worry and that I did not need to come in for an assessment. However, I kept bleeding (not a lot but it was there) throughout the night and in the morning. I called them again and they asked me to come in to be checked.

I got there around 11am. I was 3cm dilated and, as they had space, they said I could be admitted. Regular contractions started soon after that. By 3pm I was 6cm dilated and was given an epidural (I had asked for an early epidural and had included this in my birth plan). The anaesthetist was very friendly and she made me feel at ease. All was going well up to that point.

The first midwife was helpful -she was pleasant and would help me switch positions as she said the baby's head was not in the correct position and that moving might help get her to move. By 8pm I started vomiting and was unable to keep any water down. I was given an IV and I think antiemetic, but this did not work as I kept vomiting.

Midwives changed at some point. The second midwife said that I had a raised temperature and that they were going to put me on antibiotics 'as a precaution'. At no point did anyone mention sepsis to me before, during or after labour. Imagine my surprise when I saw this in my maternity notes months later, as well as on my child's health record ('obs sepsis') on the NHS app years later…

After midnight I was told that I was 10cm dilated and I could start pushing. I kept pushing for 1 hour, while also throwing up at the same time...I was exhausted. At some point the midwife said that 'a big doctor is coming in' to examine me. The doctor came in and he was very cold/unfriendly. He examined me and then a scanner was brought in and he scanned me. I was told that the baby’s head was not in the correct position and, although I was pushing really well, I would not be able to give birth naturally and that I would have to be taken to theatre to have a forceps delivery.

I said I would rather have a c-section as I was worried about complications for myself and the risks to the baby. I could see that he was not interested at all in what I was saying, and he coldly said they would try forceps first and, if that did not work, then I would have a c-section. I was given consent forms to sign but, given the stress and the exhaustion, I was not able to read/pay attention to what they were actually saying so I just signed them.

I was then brought into theatre, where my epidural was changed and I couldn't feel anything from the chest down. I could still feel my left arm but could only feel 2 fingers on my right hand. They tried 3 times to rotate the baby, and on the 3rd attempt they managed to do so, did an episiotomy and managed to get her out.

She was covered in blood when they put her on my chest, she was purple and not breathing for a few seconds and it was all really scary. Thankfully, she started breathing and that was a huge relief. They then took her to get her weighed etc, everybody was happy, chatting away while I was vomiting and choking on my own vomit but could not alert anyone to it as I couldn’t speak/move. Finally, someone noticed me and helped me lift my head to get the vomit out of my mouth.

After that, we were taken to the recovery room – it was not really a room though. It was an area next to a very busy corridor with no wall or door separating the beds from the corridor. They asked my partner to leave after just 1 hour - I still could not feel my legs or my right arm (other than two fingers). I was left alone and helpless with the baby from that point on. I had been told I would need to stay in hospital for 24 hours as I was on intravenous antibiotics (no one mentioned sepsis).

I was left in the recovery ward from around 5am until around 1pm with no food or water, although I had asked them for some. At some point, I said to one of the midwives that I had a couple of snacks in my bag, which was on the hospital floor, and asked if I could have a snack from there. I was still numb and could not get up to get the bag myself. She took the bag from the floor and put it in the baby's cot! I had the baby on me as I could not get up. I then said that it probably was not a good idea to put the bag, which had been on the hospital floor, in the cot as it would be full of germs. She then took the bag and put it on my bed!

Around 10am a midwife came over to help me get up for the first time since giving birth. She opened the curtains wide and I could see people walking up and down that corridor non stop, and she just watched me as I struggled to get up, offering zero assistance. She left as soon as I managed to get up and I was left standing there (my bed was right next to the corridor) looking at all the people walking past me. I could barely balance, let alone close the curtains.

I noticed that I was bleeding and a small pool of blood had starting forming on the floor. I felt so embarrassed and started looking around trying to spot a midwife to help. I finally found one and asked for help to go to the bathroom to put on another pad, and change as I had blood on my legs. She said she was busy helping someone else and would come back. I was left standing there, bleeding, feeling helpless and humiliated for what felt like ages. She finally came back and said she would help me go to the bathroom. My baby was now sleeping in the cot next to the corridor and I said 'but is it safe to leave her here all alone?’ (meaning with all these people walking past) and she said yes. It did not feel right. She was at least helpful.

When we returned, I had to wait for almost 3 hours until I was taken to the postnatal ward. All this time, the curtains were open, my breasts were exposed, people were walking by in the corridor and a male cleaner was cleaning the bed next to me. I felt like I had no dignity. No food or water was ever brought to me while I was in the recovery ward. I was absolutely starving as I had not had anything to eat since noon the previous day because I had had an epidural.

The postnatal ward (I believe L5) was the worst. With the exception of one midwife, they were some of the most callous people I have come across in my life. Heartless, uncaring, condescending and absolutely lacking in empathy. This was the way all other mums on the ward were being treated as well. I was finally given food and there was a jug of water. When I drank the water and dared to ask for more, I was told by a nurse/midwife that she would get me water but she also said -in a way/tone that made it very clear that it was expected of me-that there was a station with water/tea/coffee at the other end of the ward and I could help myself.

I should note that I had a catheter, antibiotic drip/IV and the baby, so how would I manage to carry all that plus water all the way there and back, while barely being able to stand after my birth ordeal/episiotomy was beyond me. Needless to say, I was left without water after that and I did not dare ask for any again.

I was also told that my partner would not be allowed to visit me that day. I had asked if he could bring me food, help me wash etc but they said the 1 hour he had stayed with me after birth counted as my visit for the day and I could not have any more visits that day.

I was in pain but essentially denied pain relief. They begrudgingly gave me paracetamol when I asked for pain relief, even though I had told them it was doing nothing so far. I could not have a shower because of the catheter, IV/antibiotics drip and also having the baby with me all the time. I did not sleep at all while I was there as I had the baby on me all the time because it was too painful to get on/off the bed to put her in/take her out of the cot, and I was scared of falling asleep in case I dropped her.

No one offered any help and they were so mean/unhelpful that you would not ask for help anyway. I guess that is part of the reason they behave this way - so that new mums do everything themselves while they do…I have actually no idea what they do during their shifts as they offer new mums practically zero help.

At some point they took off the catheter, and I went to the bathroom. It was dirty and there was blood on the toilet seat. I had to leave my baby on the bed as I did not want to take her into a toilet full of germs. She was sleeping at the time.

When I came back, I was scolded by one of the midwives who told me I should not have left the baby alone (she was still sleeping btw) as she could have fallen off the bed. I said she was sleeping; the toilet was so close that I could hear her if she woke up and that babies do not turn over at 1 days old. She condescendingly said that I should not do that again.

My baby was latching and was on my breast all the time but after the first few hours she just kept crying and crying. It was clear that, although we were both trying, she was not getting enough milk and was starving. The pain when she was latching on was unbearable. I asked them to check her for tongue tie and one of the midwives on the ward - who looked really annoyed by this- checked her quickly and declared that she had no tongue tie.

After hours of the baby crying and me feeling increasingly desperate, I was in tears and asked the midwives for help with breastfeeding. They offered zero sympathy or comfort to a first-time mum, who was sleepless, in pain and crying. One of them came over looking angry and annoyed and forcefully pushed my baby's head into my breast. I was shocked at the force she did this with. Needless to say, this did not help and I never asked for help again (which might have been the goal of her behaviour).

I should note that several weeks after giving birth, and after spending hours every day expressing milk, as breastfeeding was absolute torture, we were told that our baby had an 80% tongue tie and that is why it hurt so much to breastfeed and she was never full.

The lady from the Infant Feeding Team who examined my daughter when she was about 6 weeks old, told me that the midwife who examined her in L5 should have asked someone from the Infant Feeding Team to check the baby for tongue-tie as she was not qualified to do that. I had spent all those first weeks desperately trying to breastfeed my baby, in so much pain, thinking that I was doing something wrong because that midwife/nurse in L5 had told me she did not have a tongue tie!

My time at L5 was one of the worst experiences of my life, with the exception of the midwife who was around on the morning when I finally got discharged.

She even brought me water when she saw the empty jug on the table and she asked ‘have you had no water?’ and I said I had not been able to get to the other side of the ward to get water with all my wires/IV/catheter and the baby. I literally could have cried when she brought me a jug full of water. It was the first time anyone showed kindness to me in that ward - finally, someone had treated me like a human being.

After that, I was finally discharged. The first thing I did when I got home was take a shower.

I honestly believe it was sheer luck that myself and my baby did not die or end up with life changing injuries during that birth. I will never forget the lack of compassion from the midwives in the postnatal ward, or how dismissive and detached the doctor was during the birth. I will never forget that, after my traumatic birth, the doctor stood over my head while I was lying on the operating table getting stitched up, and he just said 'don't worry, everything is fine down there'. As if my concerns about not wanting to have an episiotomy/forceps delivery had to do with aesthetics, and not about the recovery process and physical impact this would have on my body (which continues almost 5 years on) and the risks to my baby.

My experience was not much better with the GP who did my 6 weeks post-partum check-up. The community midwife that examined me after I returned home said I had diastasis recti and that I should ask to be referred for physio at my 6 weeks postpartum GP appointment. When I got to my 6-week appointment, the GP confirmed that I had diastasis recti but when I asked to be referred for physio, especially as I have slipped discs in my spine, she refused and told me 'you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs'.

Women giving birth should be treated like human beings, not like cattle. We deserve to feel respected, safe and heard. Women should also never be left without their birth partners in hospital, especially after giving birth when we are at our most vulnerable. I had no one to advocate for me, look after me, reassure me, hold the baby so I could wash myself, or just bring me a glass of water. It was awful. I felt scared, helpless and humiliated.

I had hoped that, because this had happened to me in the midst of the pandemic, things would have improved by now. However, reading other women's recent stories here, made me relive all that trauma and I also realised that nothing has changed.

Obviously this is just how things are done at the JR, and they will continue to treat women this way, unless they are held to account.

They ought to do better. Women deserve better.