"I’ve burst into tears reading these experiences. I felt I’ve been suffering in silence for years"

A mother's experience of Oxford University Hospitals Maternity Services in 2022 and 2024:

I’ve burst into tears reading these experiences. I felt I’ve been suffering in silence for years, questioning why I have never been able to deal with things that happened.

When I was pregnant with my first born, my waters broke because of pprom at 32 weeks. However, my baby didn’t arrive naturally, which led to constant contractions and of course being exposed to infection.

I was left on a ward for weeks, prodded and poked daily, unsure what was going on.

I was very concerned about Covid and infection, my husband wasn’t allowed to see me much because of Covid which meant my mental health struggled a lot.

I ended up discharging myself sometimes as i was struggling so much alone on a ward for weeks, hearing babies cry and not knowing if my baby would be okay.

However, every time i discharged myself, i would end up back in the hospital, back of the queue on a ward because my contractions were so strong.

I had no idea what was happening, i was so scared and so alone – i then started to experience a lot of pain and other clear and blatant evidence i had an infection.

I was pleading and begging doctors to perform a c section as by this point my mental health was struggling a lot, i had obvious signs of infection and i was terrified my baby would die.

We met a consultant who said she wasn’t not going to perform a c section as it would affect her licence in case something was wrong with the baby but i was adamant something was wrong. The consultant reassured us i did not have an infection and was completely fine.

After a horrendous 3 weeks, my baby eventually came via elected c section. Immediately though my baby was whisked away to high dependency unit because she couldn’t breathe. This was of course, due to my waters being infected.

She spent some time in high dependency, i was still trying to recover mentally and physically what happened over the past three weeks so i was obviously struggling a lot by that point.

My daughter ended up spending 2 weeks in hospital.

During them two weeks, they said due to Covid, despite having jaundice, [daughter’s name] would be in the room with me. This was during Covid, so i was unable to barely walk, hold my baby, i was alone a lot, trying to pump, express and bond with a very poorly baby. She was in the incubator next to me to treat her jaundice and i was told I was unable to hold her and only to feed her. I would lay awake for hours sobbing as she cried endlessly, but i was not allowed to hold her.

She was very ill in that time and i still have no idea why they left [daughter’s name] in the room with me. I ended up completely breaking down on the ward, screaming for help. Luckily a midwife came rushing in and helped me, and they finally allowed my husband to stay with me for two nights. It was the most mentally draining, hardest and difficult thing I’ve ever experienced in my entire life.

2 years on i fell pregnant again, i was terrified it would happen again. I was constantly dismissed by my midwife who made me feel quite silly, suggesting 36 weeks isn’t even early so no need to be worried. I constantly expressed concerns it would happen again, and she dismissed this a lot.

We eventually spoke with a consultant who reassured us we would be looked after and they would look closely for signs.

Of course. It happened again and at 34 weeks I experienced pprom again. This time i became so poorly so quickly though i only had three days of contractions.

My treatment post birth second time was slightly better, however mentally I couldn’t believe i was reliving my worst nightmare.

I’ve desperately tried to put to bed what happened but I fear it will stick with me my entire life.

It has ultimately changed how i view pregnancy and birth for the rest of my life.