"midwife came storming in at 2:15am, turned the lights on and started to shout at me"

A mother’s experience of Oxford University Hospitals Maternity Services in 2019:

I fell pregnant with fraternal twins in early 2019, and although excited about the unexpected surprise that they were, I was apprehensive about my pregnancy, being a multiple birth.

Luckily I was able to have all of my prenatal appointments at the Horton Hospital, which was really good as I was needed to be seen more frequently due to being a 'high risk' pregnancy. I was told very early on that I would not be able to give birth at the Horton due to being a multiples pregnancy and the risks that this carried during childbirth, with them only being a midwife led unit I was told that I would be giving birth at the JR. Me and my husband accepted this and didn't think much more of it.

Around 4 weeks before I was due, having been told that I wouldn't be able to go beyond 37 weeks with twins I was contacted by the JR to arrange my planned c-section (as due to my twins position) natural birth would have been very unpredictable, so we opted for a caesarean. They gave me a date and time to be at the hospital and that was it.

We arrived at the John Radcliffe on October 14th 2019 at 7am as planned, having no idea where we were going, I had to ask someone to direct us to the right department etc. we were then left waiting in a narrow hallway for around 20-30 minutes, my emotions were already running high due to the nerves of delivery.

A nurse then came out and took us down to this room where there were 4 other women waiting, hooked me up to monitors and left again. Another 20 minutes went by, with no one telling us anything, when a nurse finally returned and said "The Dr's are discussing who is the most high risk birth to arrange in order of delivery, you'll probably be first as you have multiples".

The Dr then came into meet us and explained that we would be the first caesarean of the 4 woman that morning, and that our scheduled time would be 9-9:30am, we were then taken up to a higher floor and into a private room to wait, being told someone would be along soon. We were left in there for nearly 45minutes without anyone coming back in, and we had no idea what was going on!

Someone finally came to us at 10:15am to introduce themselves as one of the midwives that would be in the delivery room with us, she said an emergency had come in which meant they were priority (which of course was understandable!) and then gave me a gown to change into and scrubs for my husband to wear. She came back at around 10:30am and asked if I was 'ready to go' and if I was alright with all meds etc.

I explained that my husband doesn't do well with needles so we agreed that he would join us in the room after the epidural had been administered, which I was fine with as the midwife supported me through the whole thing. As I was being laid down after having the meds administered, surgeons and others started gathering around getting ready to start.

I had to ask them if anyone was getting my husband? They had forgotten!

One of the staff went off to get him quickly... I gave birth to my twins, Brooke and Colt at 10:56am and 10:59am. The surgeons who did my c-section and midwives in the room, were incredible and I couldn't fault that part of it at all. They kept us calm and allowed us to have music on.

Then we were moved to the recovery ward, where it all went downhill from there...Once we arrived on the recovery ward we had the curtain drawn and me and my husband enjoyed the early moments with our newborn twins, it was lovely. After about 20 minutes a midwife came round asking we had names for the children yet?

Due to the epidural I was still numb from the waist down so was laid onto my side post-surgery and hadn't properly had a chance to hold and look at my children, so we said 'no, not yet' this midwife came back every 2-5 minutes for the next half an hour asking if we had their names so she could do their name cards to go on their cots, after about the 4th time of asking my husband explained to her that I hadn't been able to properly hold and look at my children just yet so we were uncomfortable naming them until I could do that. She huffed and walked off, ending the constant barrage of hassling us for their names.

Around 30 minutes later I asked the next midwife who came round if I could have some formula, as I had noticed my babies were sucking on their fists in hunger. She was openly unimpressed with the fact I had chosen not to breastfeed, making me feel like crap. She returned about 5 minutes later with some formula. I had got the twins to drink around 10ml each, which she said was good. She then proceeded to (without any warning) whip my blanket off and pull my legs apart to asses my post-birth bleeding and change my pads, now I know all dignity goes out the window when you are giving birth, but I was still a human for christ sake, and I deserved a heads up!

I then asked her if I could have my 'toast and tea' as I hadn't eaten since 10pm the night before and was told I could have this 1 hour after surgery, it had been 3... she said 'oh yeah' then scurried off and came back with it about 40minutes later.

My daughter then decided to have her first 'poo' which is like tar, I was still numb and couldn't move properly, so my husband had to change her. He asked if one of the midwives could help him as it was messy, her response was "what, have you not done this before" now were both in our early twenties at this time, these were our first babies, so no, we had not done this before.. she rolled her eyes and then started to help him whilst explaining to him in a very patronizing way, what to do.

Honestly these midwives made us feel like idiots and failures as parents right from the early moments.

I then asked if I could have some more formula for the children, as it had been a couple hours since their last feed, she told me that 10ml was plenty for their first 24hours. I asked her if she was sure? As I was hesitant about this, she snapped back saying "yes, it is more than enough" as mentioned before, these are my first children, so I didn't know and trusted what she was saying.

As the early evening went on, I was able to get up and walk around with help, this meant that I was able to go up to the main ward, my husband and I were waiting for ages as he wanted to know where I was going to before he left (as we had been told whilst pregnant and through all my appointments, that he would need to leave at 9pm) it got to around 8pm and I still hadn't been moved, my husband and I were both very tired from the early start that day and the experience itself. I told him to go home, as I was worried about him driving all the way back to Banbury when he was that tired, we said our goodbyes and he left.

At about 9pm someone came down with a wheelchair to take me upstairs to the ward, I got all the way up and was then handed over to another midwife who asked me where my husband was, I said he had left as it was 9pm and we were told he could only be there until then, she threw her arms up, huffed and said "why do you think it has taken us so long to get a room up here? we were sorting a private one for you and your husband as you’re a multiple birth! Who's going to be helping you through the night?"

I said we didn't know that, and no one had told us anything, she said "well it’s going to be just you for the night, so it’s going to be a long one"

I went into the room, had a cry and tried to call my husband. His phone had run out of battery a couple hours before so he didn't get any of my messages until about 11pm when it turned back on. I decided it wasn't a good idea for him to drive all the way back to Oxford, given how tired we both were, and I knew I would be alright for the night. I settled myself in, sorted things out in my bag that I needed and got the twins cozy in their cot, settling into bed myself.

The midwife came back round just before midnight asking if the twins had had their feed so she could record it, I said they haven't had anything since 3pm, as I was told they were 'fine' she gasped and hurried to get my formula, telling me I needed to feed them. I tried to, but neither would latch, when she came back around I asked for help and she said they would take the bottle eventually and just to keep trying. I could not get them to feed! So, I put them back into their cot and decided I would give it another try in 10mins as they were both getting wound up with me trying to force it.

I had just started to doze slightly when a new midwife came storming in at 2:15am, turned the lights on and started to shout at me "how would you like it if no one fed you for over 8 hours, you need to feed your children!!" I started to cry and explained to her that 1. I was told that the 10ml they each had earlier in the day was 'sufficient' enough for the first 24hours and that 2.

Once I had been corrected by another midwife, that I was struggling to get them to take the bottle. She blankly looked at me and said "well you should know that you need to feed them, regardless of what anyone said".

At this point I was too upset to speak or even do anything, so I decided to just keep quiet and 'get on with it' so that I could hopefully get out of this hell hole soon!

The morning came around and I had just started to get some sleep at around 6:30am after an eventful night with my son, he was vomiting quite a lot after birth so I was having to jump out of bed every 20mins or so to lift him up so he wouldn't choke (not easy when your recovering from a c-section). I had someone come in and ask if I had my meal card filled in, I hadn't even noticed it on the side table. I said "no" and was told I needed to fill it in or I wouldn't get any breakfast etc. and at this point I wasn't even hungry and just wanted to get some sleep whilst I could. I was told I had to fill it in now. She left, slamming the door behind her, and waking the twins. Sleep was no longer happening.

When the midwife came around to check me at around 8:30am, she said all my vitals were good and the twins were good, so they would be discharging me. Relieved, I called my husband and he started to head back to Oxford, due to the traffic and trying to park in a car park that does not have many spaces as it was, he got to me at around midday.

I asked the midwife if I could go now as he was here to collect us, she said the pharmacy was just getting my medication ready, I didn't know I needed any! She said it wouldn't be long, so we waited.

It got to around 4pm when I asked again, after managing to find a midwife, she said they've been ready for a while but they had no staff to go down to the pharmacy and collect them, I said "is that it? why didn't someone tell us, my husband will go get them now!" so he did and we finally got out of there at around 5:30pm, and I was so glad to be out!

It felt like, all they were interested in doing is filling in the paperwork side of it all and ticking the boxes but didn't actually have enough time, staff or empathy to help the human being who they were there to support.

Apart from the midwives who delivered our twins, the rest were horrible and rude, making us feel like terrible parents from the outset. It was a horrible experience.

 We then found out at our post-birth 48hour check up at the Horton that the twins were slightly jaundice so they needed to go under the lamp, luckily they were able to do that at the Horton but we have no idea why this wasn't picked up at the JR, nor did the health visitors that picked up on it!

We then also found out that our son had a stomach hernia, that would need to be monitored. Again something that was not picked up or informed to us at the JR.