"she scoffed at me and said ‘well we won’t be looking after your baby for you’. I will never, ever forget how that made me feel."

A mother's experience of Oxford University Hospitals Maternity Services in 2023:

OUH is my tertiary hospital and it was planned for me to give birth at OUH as my son was diagnosed with a genetic condition in utero and we needed a NICU space on standby. He was born well and came back to the ward with me.

We were supposed to go to a side room as he was likely immuno-compromised but this was not arranged and we were told not possible. I felt the most vulnerable I have ever been in my life, exhausted, in pain and in shock at becoming a mother to a child with significant complex needs.

Within a few hours, my partner was abruptly told even though I was extremely upset and being supported by him. I asked my midwife how I was supposed to reach my son from his incubator during the night and she scoffed at me and said ‘well we won’t be looking after your baby for you’. I will never, ever forget how that made me feel. I was absolutely terrified.

My baby started bilious vomiting overnight and I had to stand up, only a few hours post c-section, to ensure he was in a safe position where he wouldn’t choke on his vomit. He was taken to the NICU and I had to ask multiple times to be taken down to see him. I was told I needed my blood pressure medication before I went and when it arrived, I queried why it was a different one to previous doses. I was assured it was the correct medication.

A midwife eventually came to take me down to the NICU, where I started to feel very unwell. The doctors rung up to the ward and I was put in a family room, alone, whilst waiting to be collected. I do not recall this time and think I passed out for quite some time whilst waiting. A midwife eventually came to get me and take me back to the ward where my bp was checked and was extremely low. I again queried the medication and told it was correct, even though I know for certain was not. I had not had this reaction at any other time and they did not give me this medication again, with no explanation.

My baby had to stay in NICU and I was put in the ‘high bp’ bay with 3 other women, their babies and families. This was pure torture; listening to mums and their babies whilst mine was seriously unwell downstairs without me. I lay all night listening to their cries whilst I sobbed into my pillow completely heartbroken to be separated from my baby. When I explained this to the NICU staff they told me there was a separate bay for mother’s whose babies were in the NICU. My husband enquired and they said I had to stay as I still had high bp and needed more frequent checks.

They eventually moved me after the NICU team insisted on the grounds of my mental health. I spent as much time as I could down in the NICU but could only get up and down there with the help of my husband. One time in the early days I buzzed to be taken down as my husband rung me in a panic as my son needed an emergency procedure and no one came.

Eventually an audiologist visiting the ward took pity on me and pushed me down in a wheelchair. My son had his procedure without me there. Despite being told I wasn’t allowed, I started walking down on my own as I refused to miss anything else.

I stayed for 5 nights in the post-natal ward and felt completely traumatised by the way I was treated. I was a first-time mother, fresh from major abdominal surgery, a new baby with a complex and worrying genetic diagnosis down in the NICU, separated from my husband and family and I was treated with absolutely zero compassion or care.

No one considered my wellbeing at any point during my stay and I am absolutely terrified to have another baby in case I have a similar experience.