"The day I gave birth to my daughter at Oxford hospital was the worst day of my life"

A mother’s experience of Oxford University Hospitals Maternity Services in 2016:

The day I gave birth to my daughter at Oxford hospital was the worst day of my life. It left me with severe mental health issues and left me not wanting to have any more children.

The birth was traumatic and the staff did not show any care or consideration towards me. I was in extreme pain and asked for an epidural but this was denied.

It wasn't explained to me until afterwards that my baby was back to back and this was the reason the birth was difficult. I was taken to theatre for rotational forceps.

Again this was not explained, I was just told I needed intervention and not how much trauma the rotational forceps would do to my body.

During the whole birth I felt terrified and panicked as I didn't know what was going on and my voice was being completely ignored. The staff were talking about me like I wasn't in the room. The anaesthetist for my spinal block was inexperienced and I felt very uncomfortable about the way he was talking about me to staff.

After the birth I was taken to the ward and hooked up to an ECG machine and then left. My husband was made to leave as it was night time, despite other husbands on the ward still being there.

My baby started crying and I couldn't reach her as my spinal block hadn't warn off and the ECG wires were still all connected despite the process bring finished a while ago. No one came to my aid despite calling the call bell.

I was sent home the next day in extreme pain from the traumatic delivery and also suffering from the flashbacks in my mind over what I had just experienced. I was struggling to sleep and bond with my baby and really felt post traumatic stress.

Over the coming days and weeks I developed extreme postnatal depression and wanted to end my life. I was given a referral to IPPS who took me on and I regularly saw a psychologist. She recommended the birth afterthoughts service and so I took part in this.

The meeting was horrendous. The lady who ran the meeting took one look at my notes and told me it was all my fault for the traumatic birth. I hadn't cooperated with staff and that was the reason for my horrific experience. I explained how I felt on the day and she dismissed my concerns of not being listen to or not being told what was happening and feeling like my flight or fight response had gone into overdrive as I was so scared.

I left that meeting in tears feeling even worse than before. I relayed this back to my psychologist who was also angry at the way the blame had been fully placed on me. I still look back on that day as the most traumatising day I my life so far.

I was a scared first time mum in extreme pain and filled with confusion, being ignored and hacked up with rotational forceps. The doctor using the forceps told me that I had torn because she didn't have time to do an episiotomy.

I was scared for my life and the life of my baby and my husband also felt that fear and confusion. The staff were the reason for my trauma.

They were unapproachable, uncaring and not present.