"I was told they would pull three times only, but my husband said I was dragged down the table over and over"

A mother's experience of Oxford University Hospitals Maternity Services in 2020:

I had my first born in 2020 and had an overall poor experience at the JR maternity unit.

My first midwife was rude and snapped at my husband and barely spoke to me. I had so wanted a water birth and to avoid forceps at all costs. However, I felt so unsafe and cared for by our first midwife that I asked for an epidural as I felt I wasn’t coping well and also knew it would mean I would change ward to hopefully a more caring midwife. Unfortunately I was left for hours and hours without epidural and was not given it until I was 10cm dilated.

My second midwife was Lovely and caring but I feel my earlier experience had slowed my labour. When it had been 24 hours since my water broke, I was told I had to have forceps or c section. I felt I had no choice in the matter, and they said I’d pushed for an hour and wasn’t allowed to push for longer. I was greatly regret not being stronger and telling them I wanted to try pushing for longer. I now know it’s very common to push for more than an hour with your first baby.

During my forced delivery the surgeon and midwife argued on the position of the baby’s head. I now know that forceps should never be used if the position of the baby’s head is not clear. I was told they would pull three times only, but my husband said I was dragged down the table over and over (I was too traumatised at this point to recall much). I remember everyone panicking and then say something about I was bleeding.

My baby luckily survived the violent forced delivery, but it was clear the forceps had been placed unevenly on his head and in an incorrect position with a clear imprint of the forceps over his right eye and face. Forceps should always be placed either side of the head for even pressure. Situations like this have gone much more wrong for other families and their babies.

My child had a deep gash on his forehead and a scar remains there to this day. We asked one of the midwives about the gash on his head while in the hospital and they told us it was normal and would heal within days. It did not heal in days but was an open wound for a good few months after. I also noticed my baby’s soft spot wasn’t present. Again, I was told this was fine. I pointed it out again to a paediatrician who confirmed my child had a prematurely front fused skull. We will never know if this was caused by the forceps but I strongly suspect it was.

My baby was incredibly unsettled to the point a mother and baby therapist wrote a letter in fear my baby was incredibly unsettled pain from the forceps delivery and that I, as a mother, was doing everything right. I was told my baby would have an mri scan. This was suspiciously cancelled on the day and we were told it was not needed. My child has behavioural difficulties and is diagnosed neurodivergent. We will never know if those forceps caused any difficulties or not.

To make matters worse, when I had my second baby I decided on a home birth and under the care of a different hospital. A long way through my pregnancy I was told I am a high risk mother because I haemorrhaged during my first birth. No one had told me this. I felt so horribly unwell for months and months and months after the birth of my first child. If I had known I’d lost a significant amount of blood then I could have managed this and given myself a little grace but no one told me.

While lying in bed after my forced delivery, unable to stand, I had to wait for long periods for any nurses or midwives to help attend my crying baby who I could not reach as I was still paralysed from the waist down. When nurses did come they were rude to me and uncaring and yet I was pleasant despite feeling wrecked from childbirth.

I had a nurse shout at me for leaving my baby for too long without a breastfeed but I had been asking for help and it had not been given. My husband or other support could not be present due to Covid. I felt scarred, wrecked and alone.

While on the ward I heard another mother crying who was struggling to breastfeed. A breastfeeding adviser came to talk to her. She didn’t come and sit by her bed and listen to her concerns. Instead she stood at the foot of her bed and shouted at her and berated her for needing support. She then got fed up and stormed off. This poor mother wasn’t rude in response. She was just a new mum, scarred, her body wrecked, with a brand new crying baby who she felt she was failing. All she needed was someone to tell her she was doing a great job and that they would help her or at the very least listen to her!

Overall (apart from the one lovely midwife) it was an awful and harrowing experience from start to finish. I am sure it played a major role in the postnatal depression that followed. The JR ruined my first experience of motherhood. So much so that I paid for a private midwife second time around (which was a real financial strain).

I went ahead with my home birth as I was terrified of a hospital birth, despite my high risk status. I had a beautiful home birth and felt so safe and supported. My second experience was a joyful and happy one. This was something that I didn’t know childbirth could be.

I am gravely concerned by everything I saw and experienced at the JR and I hope they take note and change.