"I gave birth to another little boy who only lived for 5 five minutes...I have never been the same since."

A mother’s experience of Oxford University Hospitals Maternity Services in 2013 and 2015:

Listening to the news earlier today about the failings in maternity care at the John Radcliffe Hospital has been incredibly upsetting and triggering to witness and I completely agree that a public inquiry is the only way forward for definitive change and accountability is upheld.

The 2 traumatic events I suffered while in the care of the JR should never have happened and could have been avoidable, had I been listened to, cared for and supported. I was induced 1 week before my due date and opted for an epidural, all of which was planned as I have a very low pain threshold and the maternity unit were aware of my anxiety and concerns of managing this during labour.

I was left to suffer in excruciating pain, while several attempts from different midwives continued to give me internals without pain relief while I was screaming and telling them all that they were hurting me and I was struggling to cope with the pain and I was continuously begging for the epidural…which was given to me at the very last minute, after suffering for hours, not being heard and the midwives were very dismissive of the distress I was under and one of them asked me, “Have you been sexually abused, is that why you are in so much pain?” What!!! This was so shocking to me that the trauma I was displaying because I was in so much pain, was simply interpreted and assumed that I must have been abused because surely nobody could be in that much pain otherwise.

I was in shock at the lack of care, compassion and understanding when knowing perfectly well I could not cope being in pain; on any part of my body. A senior midwife/Dr stormed into the room, did not introduce herself and dictated to me in a threatening manner that I had better push harder otherwise she would use forceps and that will cause me more damage. I was so distraught, I felt so vulnerable, scared and helpless. I was terrified of that woman, who should have been supportive and caring, not cold and offhand.

My little boy was born and this should have been the most amazing moment in my life, but was clouded by the appalling treatment. Although my son seemed fine to look at, it was very evident early on in his development that he wasn’t developing and reaching expected milestones. He was diagnosed with Autism, non verbal and moderate to severe developmental delay, at a very young age. Although not conclusive, I believe that the trauma I went through during his birth contributed and/or exacerbated a neurologically compromised and very fragile little baby that was under so much stress coming into this world, all of which could have been avoided had I been cared for properly.

My little boy, who is now 12 will always need to be supported throughout his life.

Two years after that awful experience, I wanted another child and fell pregnant again. I was having difficulty with feelings of lots of pressure ‘down below’ like a pulling feeling. I explained all my symptoms to the midwife and was told that it was normal as I have not long had a baby 2 years before. I then had a bleed and was told that sometimes that happens and nothing to worry about.

I was about 12 weeks pregnant at that time and I wanted to know why I had the bleed as never happened before. I had to beg for a midwife or a Dr to help me and investigate what was happening. I was told that because I already had a 12 week check a few days before the bleed there was no need for another one.

I was taken to the A&E because of a severe headache, on the journey, the ambulance car hit a divot in the road which caused my body to jerk violently on the back seat and this caused a lot of pain in my stomach and thought this could have been the cause of the bleed…as it started while I was being treated for the headache. I had to justify why I needed a Dr to check all was ok with me and the baby, regardless of when I had my 12 week check. No one could fathom or understand why I wanted to know if my baby was ok and why I was bleeding.

Eventually, after spending all night in A&E and all morning in the anti-natal department, did they agree to give me a scan in the afternoon. I was exhausted and distressed. I will never forget that day, I was told by a midwife, I should be mindful that there are other women in the next room that are miscarrying, while ignoring the very same reason I asked for help because I was concerned about me losing my baby too! I was told my baby was fine and that was it, the scan was over in 2 minutes.

As the weeks progressed, there was so much unbearable pressure that I felt that my insides were going to fall out, which I kept on telling the hospital and I was ignored. I went to the Hospital again complaining of pain in my stomach and the pulling feeling in my vagina, I was told that I was likely to have more pressure experiencing 2 pregnancies close together. I was told that it was safe for me to still go away on holiday as I was concerned about travelling.

I was 5 months pregnant then, 1 week into my holiday I went into labour and was rushed to hospital in a foreign country and was told that my baby was unlikely to survive. I gave birth to another little boy who only lived for 5 five minutes. This was horrendous & devastating, a part of me also died that day and I have never been the same since.

Ironic really, being told at the JR about other women losing their babies while I was losing my own baby; albeit at a slower pace! Another example of the terribly failings at the JR concerning both my pregnancies.

Had I been listened to and my concerns taken seriously and not dismissed - again!! -and the bleed and pain been investigated properly, it would have been evident that my cervix was funnelling causing the overwhelming pressure in my vagina which ultimately led to the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me.

I believe during the trauma of having my son 2 years before, all the prodding & internals had damaged by cervix compromising any future pregnancy.

This tragedy should not have happened and could have been prevented, I still feel so angry and let down and deeply saddened for everyone that has suffered. The mental pain is indescribable and it’s living alongside this trauma while trying to live the best way possible for my other children’s sake!

I was seen by mostly other female staff at the JR -very few were pleasant -the majority were abrupt, lacking people skills, dismissive and had no empathy. I cannot have anymore children now, if I could I would never have the confidence in the maternity treatment at the JR!

It appears that nothing much has improved over the last decade!