"I said this feels so inhumane"

A mother's experience of Oxford University Hospitals Maternity Services in 2022:

I think it’s time to share my story. I know it’s not horrific like some of the stories but I still think about it every night.

Rewind to 2022 - I had a great pregnancy. But I had extremely bad anxiety/panic attacks before this that I didn’t want to effect my birth. My community midwife at the time was nice but could tell she didn’t love her job anymore. She did come to my home for my blood tests which I am thankful for. But when it came to my questions about birth etc it was very vague.

The most helpful advice I had was a different community midwife who referred me to a mental health team to help with my birth plan for my anxiety ahead of my birth. I was so relieved for this. They ensured my partner would always stay with me if I had to stay in and my plan is spires and all my triggers and stuff that helps. I felt positive.

Fast forward, day after due date (27/10/22) waters break, no contractions, ring spires, they ask me to come get checked over, gave me 2 options, get induced but will be on ward a while waiting and can’t come to spires or go home wait for contractions. I chose to go home for a bit. I loved the feel of spires I was actually excited to come back.

My water was constantly leaking. That evening my contractions started full force, back and front. They were all over the place every 10 then 6, 3 back to 10/8 mins apart. Rang spires past midnight and they said I need to go to MAU first then can come to them.

Arrive at MAU, barely a hello, told to sit down and wait. Nursing assistant comes and takes us to a room (my sister and partner are with me) Contractions were still happening. I was so uncomfortable, the beds in there are horrendous to just be sat and laid on for a pregnant woman.

No one came for about an hour and then monitored my contractions by feeling my stomach. She told me my contractions aren’t consistent enough and it’s best to go home as there is long waits for rooms and more at risk of getting an infection here?

She said until I cannot speak in between contractions it’s best not to bother coming in. All while I’m having full blown long contractions whilst she’s saying this.

We were deflated and off we went, I hadn’t slept or ate for over 24 hours at this point. I tried to when I got home but not much hope. I rang spires again in so much pain and they couldn’t have cared less, as I was mid sentence they said 'sorry got to go' and put phone down. My partner rang them back after this and they said sorry she’s over the 24 hours after waters breaking so will have to go to MAU. Rang MAU said we’re coming back and this time we aren’t leaving.

When we got there we were left waiting again, my contractions were really bad at this point, I was exhausted, the same nursing assistant came to check us in again, was quite rude to my sister who was trying to advocate for me. Once I got my breath back in assessment room and spoke to a different nurse I said this feels so inhumane no one had read my birth plan, no one is listening to me and brushing us off I can’t even lay down.

I eventually got moved to a different room and had a new nurse who was so lovely, she brought me some gas and air and after over 24 hours of these horrendous contractions and being palmed off, feeling deflated I gave in and asked to have an epidural when I can. They eventually moved me to a delivery suite and I had the epidural.

Shift changes happened and I got a new midwife. She was lovely but looking back I feel she done everything her way to convenience herself. She checked me over I was 4cm dilated. I was put on a hormone drip, antibiotics and given a catheter. She told me to leave the blood pressure machine on and it was taking reading every 15 mins or so.

I couldn’t sleep, the wires, blood pressure machine and everything else was preventing that. I was told I can’t eat now I’ve had the epidural, I asked how will I find the energy to push if I haven’t eaten or slept in nearly 2 days, she said I’d find a way. So laying there with the excessive shakes, told her I had a headache and I’m so uncomfortable, I just stared at the ceiling most the time.

Fast forward just before 4 am on 29th October, I got checked over, 10cm dilated. Told me to wait 20 mins then we will push. I also let student midwife check me. She told me to push, I had to hold my breath, doing this took all my energy. I said, I cannot push on my back can I please go on my side, I couldn’t feel all the contractions at this point and I was in and out of dissociating. I said I need to push my feet against something, she gave me her hand, didn’t help. I was utterly exhausted after 1.5 hours of pushing I just couldn’t do it much more from the positioning.

She called a dr in who said to try a bit more as nearly there, which I agreed. But my partner after 10 mins said I need some help now. All lights on, 2 midwives and a student and DR come in. Forceps then kiwi vacuum. Awful experience but I was relieved to hear that cry and hold him. My midwife got me some toast but I could feel she was rushing as her shift was ended. I was so happy.

But then the worst happened, for me. I just felt so unwell, the most unwell I’ve ever felt. I could hardly see, I couldn’t even move. I told my partner and sister something isn’t right, they thought it was my anxiety. I said it isn’t I don’t feel ok. I asked for an anti sickness injection. This took over an hour to come. I didn’t feel in my body, like I wasn’t real. Very emotional, saying the most strange things. Nurses looking at me like I’m crazy, I was just laid in my blood in the dark for hours.

I said I want to feed and hold my son again but I can’t even move pls latch him to me, they did. I ended up vomiting and eventually getting the anti sickness injection. I asked why I feel like this have they ever had anyone react this way they said it’s probably the epidural.

Eventually I was moved upstairs to the mother and baby unit, I started to feel better. They got the psychiatrist to see me who was lovely, he said they told them to move me out of the delivery suite, I need a window, I need a different scene and I’m exhausted, the adrenaline etc wore off and made me feel this way. He made me feel normal, he said it’s common and very normal.

Not what the midwives were making me feel like. They actually gave me someone else’s birth notes, and inputted my son's weight wrong which we had to tell them. I was feeding him etc but one nurse was quite condescending about it telling me to do it a different way, he was fine. I’ve been breastfeeding for over 2.5 years now and done it my way.

I had to stay 12 hours because I had antibiotics, they asked me to stay over I declined I said I need my own bed. Discharged and off we went.

I know birth isn’t going to be fun and great but I wish I knew what I know now and could go back to have a better experience. I look back at pictures of my son after birth and I just think, that must have been taken whilst I felt that way, gives me flash backs and I feel awful I didn’t get to be present for them moments.

It has put me off ever doing it again, it really has, I have a bad taste in my mouth about spires, why if you want a better experience and environment you basically can’t even have a paracetamol or you’re threatened with going to the dreaded MAU.

I read a story from a midwife who said, if you have a positive birth experience (not relevant to complications etc) it’s because those midwives chose to give you one and give you their all, but most of the nurse she works with give the bare minimum now and I definitely felt that side of it.

I’m still waiting on my birth notes, I requested them in October.