"I was left in the bed in my bloody nightie, bloody sheets and desperate for the toilet"

A mother’s experience of Oxford University Hospitals Maternity Services in 2017 and 2024:

It's hard to fully write in words about my two experiences in the JR.

My second birth was by far the worst in terms of I had a consultation as I was so scared of giving birth, due to my previous long birth and trauma.

I had a planned induction as my waters didn't go naturally and my body really struggled to dilate (I've had 3 babies now and all have been the same) I was held on the induction ward for 5 days before they finally took me down. I was a mess, in agony. On constant pain relief, gas and air as they kept bringing me into labor and saying they had no room to break my waters.

I had a breakdown and said I didn't even want to give birth anymore as they had ruined the entire experience, I was given a mental health worker who couldn't understand that they had caused my mental health decline by keeping me on a ward in pain.

My partner and mum begged for them to take me down, I was exhausted and I hadn't even given birth. I was told I could be here for up to 2 weeks by one midwife, another joked and said I can't believe your still here. Another one said I could go home but obviously I'm risking my baby.

When I finally went down I wasn't prepared to give birth, I was shattered and scared. My first midwife was great, I couldn't fault her. I did have multiple student midwives though who kept examining me as well as the midwives, which I wasn't happy with but feeling so vulnerable I didn't want to express this. My second midwife (because my labor was so long) I felt like a job to her.

She delivered my baby safely which I'm grateful for. I can't remember the exact time line after as I was so poorly, being sick, shivering, physically unable to hold my baby. When my partner called for help as he has also been awake over 30 hours they basically were crappy with us and didn't help. I

 felt my placenta rip out of me, it was the most painful thing ever and I was poorly after that. I was left in the bed (as I had an epidural) in my bloody nightie, bloody sheets and desperate for the toilet which when they finally gave me a bed pan I filled 2 of them, my bladder was so full It was agonising.

We felt so neglected after what was now 6 days in hospital, completely emotionally and physically exhausted and traumatised. Left in this room with a baby, we both felt unsafe to hold her as I was passing in and out of consciousness, my partner unable to stay awake.

When we were finally taken up to a room at around 5 in the morning we were constantly woken up by different nurses, midwives, we desperately needed sleep as we had to drive our baby home that day.

The lack of care I found in the hospital was insane.

I was asking for someone to help me with breastfeeding which wasn't happening. We asked to be discharged which they said we basically couldn't so we discharged ourselves without consent, we had to leave that place for our mental health.

Having since given birth in a different hospital, the induction process was still the same but the level of care was so different.

My birth experience was amazing because they listened to me, they helped me through my trauma and pain, understood what I needed. I wasn't allowed to eat during my 24 hour labor in the JR due to an epidural so I was weak, in Derriford hospital I was able to eat, drink and I felt so much more energised. I felt calm, in control. The midwives I had actually cared and I wasn't just a job, I felt a connection to them and so grateful I was able to experience that for my last baby.

My last baby was really poorly after birth and needed emergency bowel surgery and I dred to think, had I given birth with my last baby in the JR with her being that poorly the outcome. I was quite unwell for weeks after I gave birth at the JR I had an infection somewhere in my body, my GP was concerned by maternity assessment didn't feel the need to see me.

I honestly believe my placenta being ripped out caused me to have an infection and the bladder care caused a lot of issues after. Derriford take bladder care really seriously and I've had no issues there, I had no infection, no stitches and recovered better than my previous two births. The birth was quicker, my body reacted differently.

It just goes to show when women are treated and listened to properly the outcomes are better.

I know my story isn't as traumatic as some, but to me feeling like a child in a situation when you are already venerable was awful, not being heard, not being listened to. Feeling trapped when you should feel cared for.