"she ‘was too busy to remember my stupid medication’...I was left scared and no longer asked for any pain medication"

A mother’s experience of Oxford University Hospitals Maternity Services in 2018:

I was admitted to the JR having started my contractions which began only 2 minutes apart.

When I arrived they told me I needed to give a urine sample, through my contractions, now only 1 minute apart I explained I couldn’t. They told me I had to or I wouldn’t be admitted. I fell down in the toilet in my attempt and thought I would not be able to get back up. I finally managed to get somewhat of a sample but it was filled with blood and mycelium.

They did admit me and the birth, although long with no breaks between contractions, was well supported.

After the birth, they had cut me and I had ripped multiple times. As I was being sown up, completely covered in blood, I was told my husband would need to leave, I cried and begged that I was in too much pain to be left to look after my newborn without support. They told me, after a 16-hour labour with no rest between contractions, that my husband was tired too and needed to rest.

They took away the gas and air, I begged them not to as I was in a great deal of pain, but they did, and offered me no other pain relief.

My four days in the intensive care ward were the worst experience I have ever had. I was in a lot of pain, covered in dried blood and never offered a way to clean myself during the entire stay. I was told I would not be allowed to leave until I had passed a stall. However, because I was not offered any paracetamol to help with my pain, it continued to get worse and worse until I was left sobbing when they would then give me codeine (which constipates you).

I asked the nurses to give me regular paracetamol rather than wait for the pain to become unbearable but they wouldn’t. On the second day a doctor visited and I begged him to let me have regular paracetamol, he agreed but I never received any.

When he returned the next day to check I told him it had not happened. He said he would check into it. A few minutes later, a nurse came, walking at a pace directly up to me, put her face up to mine and in a hiss asked why I had ‘told on her’ that she ‘was too busy to remember my stupid medication’.

I was left scared and no longer asked for any pain medication. Instead I asked my mum to smuggle some in for me and I took my own.

I raised concerns that my daughter was asking to feed every hour but falling asleep on my breast after 10-15 minutes. They told me that I was distressed and that they were rating my mental health as a ‘0’ on the scale. I lied to get off the ward.

When I was taken to the normal maternity ward the nurse noticed my daughter was severely tongue-tied and was not able to get any milk which explained her constant hunger. They said they couldn’t fix her tongue-tie there, neither could I leave. I was fraught that my daughter had not been able to feed for 5 days now. They gave me a syringe and told me to express my milk myself. I asked for bottled milk but was denied this. I sat up all night trying to express, I managed to get a single syringe and my daughter slept soundly for the first time.

I begged to be able to leave to get her tongue-tied sorted. Family brought in milk for me to give to her, if I had no one I don’t know what I would have done. The woman on the ward with me cried all night long, wailing and asking for help. I tried calling a nurse for her but no one came.

In the morning I expressed my concerns for her and they told me not to worry, she always ‘acted like that’. I was finally allowed to wash on the fifth day, they gave me a jug.

I was traumatised afterwards, often waking screaming or crying at night. My stitches did not heal, I was checked by my local midwife once back at home, and they gave me antibiotics which finally got rid of the pain almost two and a half weeks after giving birth.

I have not been able to face going through an experience like that again, and I have just recently adopted a second child.