"the midwife said I couldn’t have an elective c section because I had no medical grounds to"

A mother's experience of Oxford University Hospitals Maternity Services in 2019-2020:

From the moment I had my first midwife appointment I never saw the same midwife twice. My first appointment I expressed how scared of birthing I was due to a family member dying from haemorrhaging and the midwife said I couldn’t have an elective c section because I had no medical grounds to.

I arrived at the JR at 2am with contractions and there was no friendly welcome, no smiles and it seemed like they just wanted an easy night I was the only one on spires. This was 3 days before the first lock down, so I was so scared about being in the hospital my anxiety was sky high.

I started in the pool and doing really well on gas and air, the midwife offered me a different pain relief but said I have to be checked internally to see how far gone I was. I got out and layed on the bed for her to check, the pain was so intense when she done it I couldn’t help but jump a little which she said don’t be dramatic it’s not that bad. I then got back in the pool and this midwife went on her break and another midwife came in she was nicer but had only just got to the hospital from Southampton as that’s where she normally works but they were low on staff so she helped with an agency. She then gave me an injection in my leg for anti sickness before I could have the other pain relief.

I was still on the gas and air and around 20 minutes had passed and I went to get up to get out for the toilet and a mass amount of blood came out, the midwife was quite shocked and went out the room to find anyone else but couldn’t. She came back and said I’ll just have to press the emergency button. No one came following the press of the button instead she had to call another ward to ask where to take me.

I then got in a wheelchair wrapped in a towel heavily bleeding into a lift with my partner and midwife. She asked if I knew what level I needed to go to and said she’s never been here before. It felt like forever but my partner said it took around 10 minutes to get me to the delivery ward as no one knew where I was going.

By the time I got to the delivery ward they done some ops and I said to them my gas and air isn’t working they said it is I'm just not doing it properly, I kept telling them it’s not working and I was quite far gone at this point so I said please try it it’s not working, they ignored me for a few minutes and then a nurse came over and said it’s empty, I said I was telling them before but no one would help me. She really apologised as I was about 30 minutes without anything.

I begged for an epidural as the pain was unbearable and I couldn’t even focus, they came and said I need another examination to see how far gone I am. I was 7cm and they said I can have an epidural. I was so relieved to have this and could finally rest a little. A few hours had passed and was constantly monitored for baby heart rate. Was checked again and finally at 10cm and they said I can start pushing soon, I couldn’t feel a single contraction so they guided me through it, nothing was happening with my pushing and 1 hour had passed. A doctor came in and said they have been monitoring and I’ve been pushing for way too long and I would need to be taken to theatre for forceps and a episiotomy and failing that then I would have a c section.

The time was 2pm and I just remember hearing this doctor say to another doctor we have about 30 minutes to get the baby out and they asked me to sign a form to consent to the next steps which I did. We then went to the theatre and there was about 10 people in the room, they all went round and introduced themselves and what they are there for. Then they performed themselves episiotomy and started with the forceps and my body was being pulled so much I felt like I was going to come off the table.

After a 5 minutes my daughter was born took a while for a little cry but she was ok. They took her to be cleaned off and weighed etc and bought her to me to hold, this I don’t remember so much as I was completely out of it and in shock. No one was explaining anything to me but I was haemorrhaging bad and was shaking so I ask them to take her from me as I couldn’t hold her.

I asked the midwife next to me what’s happening and she said nothing it’s fine it’s just the epidural wearing off, I knew it wasn’t my body was freezing and I couldn’t stay conscious. They managed to help the bleeding and I my partner was in so much shock he didn’t even know what to do, he asked them why they are injecting into my feet and they said because it’s quickest way and I wouldn’t be able to feel it.

After 45 minutes they said they need to move me to recovery ward to be monitored, I asked them if I bled a lot they said no just 600ml but they just want to make sure I’m ok for a bit longer before going to main ward to rest. I was then greeted by either a nurse or midwife and I asked if I could have something to eat but she said I needed to order the food. I said I couldn’t, I’ve been in labour 19 hours. It was now about 5 and she said I’d missed dinner but can have someone bring me food up if needed.

I was with 3 other women who also seemed to have had a rough time and no one came round offering drinks. We couldn’t get out of bed either so one of the women pressed the button for help and asked if we could all get drinks and she said the button is for help only and we should have had people bring stuff up for us (they made all partners leave 1 hr after delivery due to Covid) so my partner came back with drinks and snacks which I shared out with some others.

The bleeding was still a lot and came every time I moved but they said it’s normal. I felt so weird and it got to about 11pm and they came and said they are moving me to the ward to rest. I was in so much shock I couldn’t really respond to much and I tried to breastfeed but she wouldn’t latch but part of me couldn’t even attempt to get her to feed as I just felt so out of it I almost felt like I was just a shell of my body. I sat in the chair in my bay all night I couldn’t sleep and I was just looking at my daughter. I was in so much pain I asked them if I could have a bottle of formula to give and she insisted that I try and breast feed which I couldn’t. Another mum kindly gave me 2 pre-made bottles which I was so grateful for.

It got to about 4am and I had 2 cannulas in my hands and I couldn’t move them that well so I buzzed for someone to help me change a nappy and clothes for daughter, the midwife said you’d have to do it if we weren’t here and then started to do it for me. I didn’t come across a single midwife who was kind in the whole time I had been here.

It was finally morning and they bought breakfast round and they said I might be discharged today depending on if I wee by myself and can walk, I said I would prefer to go home as I couldn’t spend another night not sleeping and I needed support. Partners couldn’t come up till 10 and I still had cannulas in which had been used since the night before so I asked if they could remove them as they had bled quite a bit with the emergency and pulled on so they really hurt. She said no incase they need to give me antibiotics but I said if they need to I’m happy for them to reinsert elsewhere she said she would have to see, I was so fed up and in so much shock I said you either take them out or I will. I overheard her speak to the ward manager and she said I was being difficult but to do it anyways. I was so relieved that I could finally move around freely.

I done everything I could to get out of there as soon as possible. They discharged me around 5pm which I couldn’t wait to come around. We never got leaving hospital pictures because I couldn’t stomach taking a photo of this place that’s caused me trauma. No one said bye, I was given antibiotics and iron tablets.

A week had passed and the bleeding was still heavy and big clots, I was on the toilet and I could feel something coming out it was heavy and big so I went to go catch it and it took both of my hands. The panic in my face and I was as white as anything, I called the midwife and said I’ve taken a photo and I’m sure it’s not a blood clot she said she couldn’t help as they’ve shut their practice because of Covid lockdown and to go to a&e if it’s an emergency, she said if it’s stopped bleeding then not to worry.

I left it a day or 2 and I was still bleeding but it had calmed down. My gp called me and said I needed a blood test due to blood loss, I went in a few days later and asked them how much I had lost, they said 1200ml! That was in the hospital and they were shocked that I didn’t have a transfusion or followed up on. I showed this nurse a photo of the clot and she looked very shocked and asked when this was and then asked a lot of questions and then told me that it was placenta and quite a lot of it which would have caused a lot of blood. She then asked the midwife team to see me and they did they also confirmed it was placenta.

The weeks that followed I developed postnatal depression and went on antidepressants after 2 gps told me it was too early to get that. I always wanted 2 children and preferably within a 2 year age gap or so. I couldn’t think of having another baby and going back to that hospital.

5 years on and I’m still on antidepressants due to this birth and I’m now pregnant with my second after years of debate but my time is running out and I’m now having an elective c section due to previous complications. I’m also waiting for counselling for ptsd and help for my fear of hospitals.

All my appointments are at the JR including the midwife ones as I'm covered by Blenheim who are based at JR. I have a panic attack every time I go for an appointment at that hospital I’m just hopeful for a better experience this time, it couldn’t physically be any worse than last time surely.