"they began a conspiracy of silence and gaslighting me, denying the true version of events"

A mother’s experience of Oxford University Hospitals Maternity Services in 2020 and 2023:

It has been so difficult to process what happened during my daughter’s birth, partly because of the largely wonderful care I received in my previous pregnancies.

In 2020, I lost my precious son to still birth. He had Trisomy 18, not detected during the combined screening test. When I declined a termination and an invasive amniocentesis (only options offered to me) I was not offered a simple blood test, the NIPT which would likely have given us an accurate diagnosis.

Well, I have processed my experience with that loss and apart from the failure to give all options, we were well cared for. I also want to mention though, that my husband and I have struggled with the fact that the system does not recognise fathers as bereaved. All letters and other communication about my son were addressed to me and my husband was made to feel invisible. Only our lovely consultant made him feel seen by addressing emails to both us.

Giving birth to my daughter in 2023 was meant to be a redemptive experience. Instead, we both nearly died, I suffered a major seizure due to negligence and incompetence in surgery, went into a coma and have no recollection of giving birth, woke up in the ICU and could not care for my daughter or feed her in her first days of life.

At first the doctors were so apologetic and honest about what happened. But after 2/3 days, they began a conspiracy of silence and gaslighting me, denying the true version of events and refusing to undertake a proper investigation. They tried to label me with non existent medical conditions to explain away the grave error made by the anaesthetist. Eventually, after fighting, they agreed to reverse the ‘diagnosis’.

It was a mess. I was heartbroken and lost trust in the hospital as a whole and I couldn’t not even bring myself to have a review with the trauma midwife.

I no longer trust them after the lies and denial of what happened despite both my husband being very clear about what the failures were. I have never fully processed this experience and feel that I suffered and injustices for which no one was held to account.

I am sorry this testimony isn’t elegantly written; I carry so much in my heart and memory and it is hard to capture it in writing.